It is Thursday, and I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t readily respond, and I’m not a person who is short on words. The Image that she sent was the point of no return. I was alone in the office at the time, working late. I took a while to respond, and more than made her uncomfortable really. She just took a big leap, and now the ball was in my court… and I dropped that ball. I did the chat equivalent of stammering and mumbling. I complimented the look… we bantered a moment, then I had to go home.
I don’t actually recall driving home that night. My mind raced the entire time. I stopped at a store to grab a few things, and got yelled at by the cashier for almost walking out without paying, my mind was so displaced. We spoke some more that night, but not at great length. She was still recovering from being sick, and needed sleep.
I went to bed and pulled up that picture one more time before I fell asleep. I woke in the morning and pulled it up once again, and looked at it for a long while. I wouldn’t know until later on, but my immediate response to that image mortified her. She felt like she leaped off a cliff with it, and I wasn’t on board. This was not the case.
It is Friday, and I check in with her when I get to the office. I tell her I looked at her picture again, thought it over more, and that I really did think the bra went well with her hair. 30 minutes later, I looked at it again, just to be really really sure, and again affirmed my opinion to her. She was feeling better about the decision to send it to me, although she still swears she must have been affected by a fever still for her to do that. I would pop on a few more times to say I checked the image again, and my opinion still held true. Aside from that, we shared more deep and personal stories. We were moving towards each other and an increasing speed.
That evening I sat at home on a Friday night, pondering whether to brave the cold and go see if anyone was at the bar, when she popped up in the messenger, and the last most pivotal point in our build up occurred. Our conversation are often based on questions. Theorizing, exchanging opinions. She said she’d been thinking about something, rolling it over in her mind, and really wanted my thoughts on the matter. She asked me, “Do you believe it is possible to love more than one person at the same time?”
I responded yes…
After a bit, she asked me if I had been thinking of anything I’d like to talk about. I said yes, yes I did. I said, “Today red became my favorite color.” I was surprised, because green was my favorite color my whole life. We then exchanged 2 smiley emoji before moving on to…
I popped open a new tab, and called out for Alex, my super secret friend. Alex has been following this whole time. I’m glad I have someone in my life that knows the things about me she knows. I’d feel terribly alone if I didn’t. Again she warns me, and again I don’t listen. This is too close. My previous affairs had a greater distance. None of my previous partners lived remotely close to me, none of them was known to anyone in my life. Karen was geographically close, and known to all my friends and family, hell, she was dating one of them. I told Alex that we have hit 100% in terms of chance here… Alex relented after a bit. She knows desire, longing. She was not supportive in the least, but was willing to stand by my mistake, because she is my friend.
… Moving on to… well, everything. A long ranging conversation on intimacy, and sex, to the point of extreme arousal for us both. The closing of our conversation was a direct acknowledgement that something was about to happen. It was now only a matter of time.
It is Saturday. We chatted on and off. We had plans with the friends later in the week, we talked about that, and some more nothing. I had things to do that day, and was busy… but we needed to meet. I arranged to have to stop by my office the following day, some emergency to get me out of the house. I informed her I would be heading to my office the next day, and she asked if I would like some company. I said I would.
It is Sunday now. I leave for my office. I give her directions on how to get there, but when I arrive, instead of finding an empty building, as one would expect on a Sunday, I find hints of activity. The cleaning crew had been there… You know, somethings you just take for granted. Like, how does your office building actually stay clean? Now I knew, and no longer took that for granted, making a note that the office gets cleaned on Sundays…
I sent her a message changing plans. I gave her a new location, that of a parking lot near my office. I hurried over there myself, and it wasn’t long before she pulled in next to me, getting out of her car, and into the passenger seat of mine. I asked if she’d like to go for a drive, to which she said yes. This was the first time we’d been in each others presence since this became serious. I drove around, we talked of inconsequential matters until I found a nice park. I pulled into its roads, and thought I’d find a nice place to stop the car, hidden off in a vacant corner. The weather was terrible, so people were not wandering about.
We spoke a little more, before running entirely out of words. I reached out my hand, and she took it. We stared into each others eyes. After a moment, I took my hand back, placed it on the back of her neck, pulled her to me, we closed our eyes, and kissed for the first time.